Ever feel like this?
It seems like that at least once or twice a year I sit back and look at my life and am completely overwhelmed.
There are so many good and constructive and meaningful things that I wish to accomplish that there seems to be no way to get it all done.
I am committed to cooking from scratch from as much homegrown produce as possible. But as noble as that is it also entails a large garden with all that involves. Not to mention the time it takes to cook from scratch for a large family every day…all day long.
Homeschooling is something that for our family is a lifestyle choice that we made long ago. Yet there are days that planning lessons and hanging out ALL day with my kids seems a bit…well crazy!
Then there are the animals that are as much a part of the family as anyone that need care and cleaning and feeding.
The dishes don’t do themselves…
Nor does the mountain of laundry.
There are bills and doctor’s appointments. Dentists visits and playgroups….
I try to make sure we flex our creative muscle so crafts are a must.
And then there is the blogging…and the photography that is involved.
My mother-in-law is still lingering in hospice, visiting numerous times a week is a must.
I know it is all about prioritizing…but everything seems important and/or necessary.
So here is my question for you today.
How do you do it all? Or have you given up on doing it all and just do what you love? Or do you delegate and sit back and eat bon bons while you order everyone around?
Seriously…there must be a system or something for getting it all done. I would pay big bucks if someone could let me in on the secret!
I periodically freak out and scream at everyone, who smile and nod, and say “there goes mom she’s freaking out again.” Then I go back to cooking, cleaning, gardening, preserving, 9to5ing, chauffeuring, volunteering, blogging….
However– my garden is full of weeds, my house is a mess, my bank account is empty, my husband is a stranger, and my car has not had an oil change, let alone a washing, in months (or was that my hair?).
And yet, this is me– 🙂
I HEAR you!!! I so often wonder how to do it all. If it’s possible. Or even advisable. I flip out often. Yell at everyone. Cry. And eventually, someone gets hungry or says something extremely cute, and so I get back to it all – the homeschooling (thankfully a break from the formal for the summer), the cooking (as I too cook most things from scratch for 3 hungry kids and 1 hungry hubby), the cleaning (oh, wait, I don’t really ever get to that unless we are having company), the garden, the laundry, my hobbies….
I have basically given up on doing it all. There is no feasible way for me to do so without loosing it completely – which I very nearly did. I just do what needs done each day, making time for me to have time for me. I started this great thing in my house called Quiet Time. All 3 of my kids – 10, 6, and nearly 3 – head up to their rooms (sometimes kicking and screaming) for 2 hours out of the afternoon. They can do whatever they want in their rooms during that time as long as it’s quiet. They come out when they have to use the bathroom, or if they can NOT make it those 2 hours without a snack, and then go back. But it is mostly time that I have for myself – either to get some cleaning done, or take part in one of my hobbies, or to just sit back with a hot beverage and stare blankly at the artwork (read scribbling) on the wall. Sanity time!
We cannot do it all. I’m trying to learn to accept that. And to move beyond that and actually be comfortable that way. It is not easy. Ya know that old saying – it takes a village to raise a child? Well, we no longer have that luxury…
1. Stop homeschooling – home isn’t school. Children benefit HUGELY from teaching by many teachers, not just what’s in Mom’s head.
2. When you cook your scratch dinners, cook at least a double amount, so you’re cooking 2 dinners. Freeze 1. This will take awhile before you see results, but you will see them.
3. Husbands can do dishes and feed animals.
You asked. : < )
Enjoying your blog very, very much.
I’ve come to accept (well, in terms of some things more than others) that I just can’t do it all, at least not all at once. My current tactic is to focus on my top few priorities, and if other stuff slides for a bit, then so be it. Right now, the dissertation needs to get finished, and I need to eat well and exercise. So, if the housekeeping goes to seed for awhile in there somewhere, or if I don’t manage to find time to work on my creative stuff, or whatever else is going on, I try to be okay with it. It’s not my favourite thing ever, but it’s a vast spell better than trying to figure out how to do everything and feeling bad when I can’t.
Wish I had a good answer to this. My kids are older (14 & 16) and they help out quite a bit (not as much as they could); so while school is out, laundry is getting done, house vacuumed, bathrooms cleaned, etc. Now if they will weed. . . =)
*hugs* I’m like Xan, though the prescription helps to keep my freak out sessions manageable. I have a weed/vegetable garden, messy house (though now vacuumed), the same empty account and my black van is more a grey color. =)
*hugs*
We can scream together, yes?
O, how I wish there was some kind of system that would make our lives more … well, let’s say systematic and efficient. If there was I’d be selling it on ebay and making enough to get a housekeeper and gardener.
Honestly, I gave up trying to keep a perfectly ordered house & home and life after my kids moved out. It’s pretty much come down to doing what’s screaming at me the loudest at the moment most of the time, letting go the things that can wait until I have time for them.
I have come to love the old phrase, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.”
I do what I love, put off what I can and do my best to keep the rest in order. And when all becomes chaos, I cry, but I get over it. 🙂
Xan at least I know I am not alone in the craziness…
I think a lot of us struggle with this every day. I know I do. Sometimes I deal with it by adjusting my priorities. Some things are things that I truly have to do and others are things I truly want to do. Its a pain to have to choose between them, but until there are more hours in my day, that’s how it goes. Sometimes I deal with it by adjusting my perspective. In the past, I would have been mortified for anyone to see my garden sporting a healthy crop of weeds. These days, as long as its growing food too, I’m cool with weeds. And some days I say screw it all, have a good think on what *I* really need at that moment, and go do that. Those days are remarkably helpful. Boosting one’s own resilience should not be underrated!
Thank you for your honesty!!! I though it was just me feeling overwhelmed. And your right it’s the time of year you need to be everywhere & everything for everyone and, all the household & gardening …fruits are coming in and need picked canning needs to start…it to hot and humid to breathe. Those are the days ( once a week) I go for coffee or juice all by my self. Just an hour or so to recharge.
There is no one that can do it all. Once I had kids, I gave that notion up myself. But there are still times when life does just overwhelm me completely. I really love life. I love MY life! I do. I’ve made choices that keep me at home with my kids, are moving me towards my dream job, are giving my kids a magical childhood, etc. I’m so thankful for what I have and I relish it every day. But there are still days where…well, staying at home is great but somehow those bills still have to get paid, going after a dream is great but seriously how am I fitting it in, and all the daily life..it’s so much, then there’s the worry over am I doing enough for my kids, have I thought through everything to be making the right choices, etc. Those days are no fun! Hope yours ends soon and turns around for you!
Rebecca@RootsAndWingsCo
Hummmmm……..I don’t think there is a way. I do think there is a way to function and be happier. Write down what is most important. Maybe a smaller garden and buying at the Farmers Market or grocery is best now. Grandma being in hospice is up there on the scale because soon she will not be with us and then there will be plenty of time for garden or other things. Make the meals as easy as possible. Keep that dishwasher loaded and running. Ask the kids to help maybe one can use the sweeper. Another can sweep off the porch with a broom. Another can walk the dog or feed the outside animals. All of it will not get done. Resign yourself to that and you will feel much calmer. My best to you!
This is just me thinking. When we were at home at some point in the afternoon I called a hault to the busyness and all the kids laid down for and hour. They could read or sleep or just rest but until the timer went off everyone was in bed. I found a spot in the family room with ice tea and read a magazine or had a program on tv that I liked. I kept it low so the kids would not want to get up and watch tv.
I used to have a ‘quiet time’ when my older kids were little…it may to to institute it again, thanks for the reminder! Kim
When I feel like that, I take a deep breath, and I tell myself to go easy on myself. I take a moment to realize that I can’t do it all and that’s OKAY. It also usually means that my life it a bit out of balance and it’s time to either ask for help or to cut a few things from the to-do list.
I’m sorry you’re having one of those days. They really stink!
It was so nice to read your entry and realize I am not alone in this world of feeling overwhelmed!!! I wish I had answers for you but I don’t except maybe knowing that you are not alone. Thank you for your post!!!
Take it 15 minutes at a time. An overwhelming list can crush my motivation, so I pick one thing (paying bills, doing a mountain of dishes or laundry, whatever) and set a timer for 15 minutes. What I get done, I get done. If I’m on a roll, I can keep going. As a perfectionist it’s hard for me to think big picture sometimes, so breaking it up into smaller pieces helps me get started.
My other favorite is putting some easy or fun things on my to-do list so it doesn’t seem so onerous. If “eat ice cream” is on the list, we have to do it! And if we accomplish that before doing the dishes, oh well.
If you find the secret, please let me know.
I’ve been having a *really* rough time juggling 4 kids (6yo, 4yo, 2yo, 4mo – hs’ing hasn’t “officially” started yet), the garden, packing and cleaning the house since its for sale, oh, and doing it all alone since the hubby’s working 400-4000 miles away 80% of the time. If it makes you feel any better, last week a friend took my older three for the day and I spent the whole day (yes, 8 hours) in bed sobbing and nursing my newborn. So yeah, you’re not alone.
This was an important thing for someone like me to learn. I used to be a perfectionist and a neat/clean freak. I swept the floors daily and my house was always spotless. Then we started our own business, with that on top of my regular job, blogging and gardening, something had to give. (and I know what you mean about the photography involved in blogging – WOW does that take up some time!).
I finally learned to be able to sit back and enjoy life without feeling like I have to get everything done. I’m constantly telling myself, “I’ve got nothing but time” (especially when it comes to the garden). Over the past couple years I’ve learned to be OK with a little clutter, dust bunnies on the floor, and eating eggs & toast for dinner. I decide what I want to spend my time doing after work and then I do that. If I have time to do the other things I do, if not I give myself permission to let them slide!
Learning to take things on slowly really helps. Biting off more than you can chew can lead quickly to feelings of despair and being overwhelmed. I believe learning quick, from scratch meals is a HUGE time saver. I can knock out a homecooked meal in not time, especially if I have fresh veggies in the garden.
Hugs to you! I went on strike last month because everything got to be too much. I took the kids to the store and let them pickout meals that they could fix and my told my husband he was responsible for everything else for a week. It was amazing. Even just the mental break from planning what needed to be made first since it was part of a later meal during the week or we needed for school lunchboxes, etc. can be exhausting. And then when someone takes the last loaf of bread out of the freezer without telling me and wants to have grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch when the bread is gone – so hard to plan!
While I was on strike I was not responsible for all the tummies and I felt free as a lark – I worked in the garden past dinnertime then ate a salad, sometimes fresh from the garden leaf by leaf. I didn’t have dishes to clean all the time and managed to get the house back in semi-order. I think I’ll make this a planned event at least once a quarter going forward. It was like gaining an extra 2 hours a day! And who doesn’t need that when doing all this?
I so hear you!
I was thinking just yesterday that it can seem so defeating at times. Like I’m always running and getting nowhere.
Anytime I take a little time out the work is just waiting for me to do when I get back. Clothes are always dirty and kids are always hungry and the craft cupboard is in a perpetual state of crazy!
Who says stay at home parenting is all watching Oprah on the couch??
Oh yes, I know the feeling. Sometimes it takes a good long (crazy and often rambling) to someone else to just get it all out. It makes me feel better and just realize why I’m feeling how I am.
Prioritizing is another thing. I get overwhelmed *very* easily, but one thing I try to tell myself is something I always heard from my mother when we have a lot to do: Just one piece of bread at a time. It comes from a couple of days a long time ago when we were making flatbread and had literally a hundred to do on the stovetop skillet, one after the other. I mentioned how daunting it was, and my mother asked how many I thought she’d done over the years – thousands. But they were not done all in one day. It was just one flatbread at a time. It applies to many things I think.
When there is something complicated to do, or something where the time to complete is uncertain, I try to limit my expectations for that day. Chances are, the harder project is weighing on my mind heavier than the others, so on that day, that’s all I will expect to accomplish. When I do, I count the day a success, even if dinner is less than it should be, or the beds go unmade, or some phone calls get neglected. If I can do the other things, well, its a bonus. This helps me stay calmer if (and when!) things go awry.
Is there perhaps a teenager or two (from church, neighborhood, relatives) that could handle some of the work for you? All of you could benefit: you, the teens, and your children.
Thank you for your lovely and honest post. I don’t think anyone can do it — you have to pick and choose. I often feel the same way. In fact, Sunday I suddenly found myself sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor crying because I felt so overwhelmed. I’m better today but only because I have a lot of love and support. Hang in there.
I have a few things I do:
1) desperate-priorities (aka do the dishes when we start to eat off napkins, wash the clothes when I run out of underwear, vacuum/sweep the floors when the cats start to chase their own hairball tumbleweeds around)
2) finish something (I tend to get partway through projects and then distracted by something else. It feels really good and helps cleanse my stress to get rid of something hanging over my head.
3) delegate – even just to get the kids out of my hair for a few moments and help teach them something useful like how to wash windows.
I also forget to feed the cats til they start whining, the houseplants til they start to wilt. Dinners are planned way in advance and then I make last minute changes depending on what *I* want to make (self-satisfying choices help me feel more in control of my out of control life). Weeds help make the garden look more lively – filling in the gaps that I callously didn’t plant in.
Among it all there’s lots of multi-tasking and late-night stuff after the kids are asleep (tends to be bread baking or bill paying).
Good luck!
When I was the coordinator for my MOPS group a few years back, I spoke on precisely this topic. The hardest part is that we moms aren’t choosing to spend our time frivolously—all the choices we have made about where to spend our time are valuable—it’s just that sometimes there are too many good things to choose from! (Especially if you are crafty or talented, which you are!)
So we eliminate, or pare down, or simply let pieces slide. We all have to—it’s just about choosing what you’re comfortable letting slide at the moment.
Today, I’m putting off taking my shower. As gross as that may seem, I’m choosing to sit and play Star Wars Monopoly with my kids instead.
You have kids. Did you ever consider that it is YOUR JOB to teach these kids how to do dishes, cook, do laundry, clean house, iron clothes, tend the garden, can and freeze tose garden vegetables, etc? My Mother did all the above as well as bake all our bread and teach us to sew plus all the other things she did – some of which I never had to do thank goodness, like tolerate and live across the road from a Mother-in-law that did not like me. She (and us kids also) milked cows and worked the hay fields in her spare time. Oh, she was also active in the PTA and was a Room Mother and chaperone.
When I hear this today, I realize it is another era, however the workload of a farm wife would kill the women of today – probasbly because they did not learn these skills from their Mothers. When my sons married, they wanted a wife not a Mommy because they knew how to do household chores. And my daughters knew what a hammer and screw driver were and how to use them. ALL my kids were in the dises rotation by age 8 and each was responsible for their own laundry by age 11 and responsible for keeping the house clean because I worked 2 jobs and because of what Mom taught me, was active in the school, PTA, and Room Mother for at least one of the six kids each year and chaperoning field trips whenever needed (I worked graveyard shift full-time to do this).
Am I saying you do not have a reason to “melt-down”? NO. Just trying to tell you that you do NOT have to do it all. Help is at the end of that video game or computer mouse – commonly known as a child. And the satisfaction of being told what a help they are will do wonders for their little egos also. I no longer live on a farm. I have lived in town (kids are city kids) for a long time. Demands are the same as much as they are different.
Chores will not hurt kids. Sitting at the computer or playing video games all day will. Teach them to cook and bake.
Oh…and I forgot to jump in on the “quiet time” bandwagon. One hour a day, non-negotiable, on their beds. Jewel is old enough to sit with a chapter book; little guy has a laundry basket full of picture books that I lift onto his bed for him.
Momma gets to do whatever she wants.
Oh, hell. I feel overwhelmed regularly, and I have no kids, no pets, and eat out a couple times a week. I work full-time and run a canning group (teaching 1-3x per month, plus planning) and garden a bunch, but sometimes just have to say “Bag it!”
A “house list” helps. Write down everything that needs to get done, a due date, and ask each member of the household which ones they will do. Not “if” – “what”.
And Friday night is always pizza. Homemade, too, so no guilt. The bread machine makes the crust ahead of time, and in 18 minutes, dinner is served.
No one can do it all, all the time. You are dealing with a stressful situation with your mother-in-law dying. That is more important this summer than the gardening or schooling (which you probably aren’t doing since it is summer). When you look back on this summer, the cleaning, perfect garden and meals won’t matter. I’ve been through the death of a loved one (husband and sister), when you look back nothing matters but time spent with them. Cut yourself some slack for now, everyone will understand.
Brenda
It is so good to know that others on this path ask the same questions and feel the overwhelming weight as well. I am a massage therapist, on my own so I do EVERYTHING in the practice and see clients for three 12 hour days. I still have to do the chores and work laundry when I get home around 8:30 p.m. My clients often say to me it must be nice to work three long days then have four days off. I am not afraid to tell them what I do on my “days off”. I go into the routines of animal chores, mucking out pens, gardening, making butter, yogurt, cereals, breads and food from scratch. I can our produce in season. And I do spinning, knitting and weaving in my …ahem..spare time. Then they reply with the comment that that sounds like way too much work to them and they would never do that and have I ever heard of groceries stores, microwave ovens and dish washers. I just sigh and wonder why they are on the table and not me! :o) Anyway, this is the life style I have chosen and I just do it. However, when I crawl in to bed at night I feel really old. So no answers here, I guess.
I don’t fold clothes. I home school 4, and due to food allergies, pre-prepared food doesn’t exist in our world. I don’t fold clothes. The kids fold the towels so they’ll fit in the cabinets, but everything else either goes on a hanger or gets shoved in a drawer and worn wrinkled… oh, yeah, and I don’t own an iron or ironing board 🙂