One of my best friends died at the end of August.
I found out I have a (non-life threatening) medical condition that means I pretty much have to give up baked goods, chocolate, and alcohol, which followers of this blog know are pretty much what got me through the last six years.
There are rats in my raised beds.
MyFolia is closing down, I guess, today at midnight Greenwich time. I keep dropping in to see if it’s still live.
Those things aren’t equivalent. Obviously the death of a friend outweighs the loss of a website. Non-Folians would say that losing an app cannot reasonably be construed as a loss. I’ll empty out that garden bed and replace the soil. I’ll give up chocolate chip cookies and wine after a long day, no big.
It’s not that I can’t change, or even that I don’t want to. It’s that it’s tiring, exhausting, to always have the changes imposed. Sometime I’d like to change because I decided to change. And this all happened within a single two-week span, til I got to the point of screaming to the universe, into the darkness: CAN WE BE DONE NOW?
But, I suppose, as I have before I’ll just change, and move on. Or?…
I will not move on
I will move forward, backwards, sideways
I will move over and under and around and through
I will move
I will dance
I will run
I will walk
I will spin
I will glide
I will fall
But I will not move on
Move on means move along
Nothing to see here
You have no right, or agency, or ability
to affect what you see
You are just a discarded scrap, moved along by whatever wind chooses to blow
I will not move on
Because I will not be moved
Because I deserve to be what and where and who I am
Because I choose to be moved or not to move
And I will not move on
Not Dabbling In Normal 
You’ve had a lot to cope with in a short space of time. Change happens around us all the time, but it is usually extremely slow and imperceivable. The human mind can cope with that, but change that is fast and imposed upon us, we do not well cope with. Indeed, such rapid change has destroyed whole nations.
You are not alone. I kept checking into Folia yesterday, copying and downloading last minute items that I thought I just might need, or at least desire, at some future time. Today I check i and it is gone, wiped away in a flash. It reminds me of the devastation left behind after a cyclone or flood. Just a mess to be cleaned up, an overwhelming mess that one looks upon in a detached state, but the mind doesn’t know where to start. It is heart-breaking, but we plod along, starting over, starting something new, while picking up the broken pieces to see what we can salvage from the past.
[[heart emoji]]
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, I absolutely understand.
I’m not one for sayings & such, but at 61, there’s one I had to write down & put on my frig before I slit a vein…
‘Change is inevitable, growth is optional.’
I wish the best for you, stay strong.
Thank you. It’s hard.
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