3. November 2016
Planted: A Year of Gardening
The series starts here
The new patterns are rich, but changing patterns is hard.
In this house, there is no window where you can stand and see the garden. You have to crane your neck, like the old New York joke of an apartment with a river view, if you stand in that one spot and kinda look through those buildings over there. To see this garden, you have to be outside, in it.
My family, or rather my ex-husband Wei’s family, came for Thanksgiving, christening the house, but it felt cramped and awkward, and I didn’t make a very good meal. Wei’s absence was a sour note that no one played, but everyone heard. No one took leftovers home. I think that I won’t be hosting Thanksgiving anymore.
I’m used to loneliness. I even crave it. But loneliness in a space that doesn’t feel like your own space is a different degree of solitude, the more poignant when it happens near the holidays. Surrounded by plant orphans staged in their foster-gardens I geared myself up for the sadness of Christmas to come. Next year the Farm will be fenced and the perennials will have a home.
But right now, I just want to be able to look out a window at a garden.