1. Weekly laundry loads are really small.
Oh, oops. Did I wear the same clothes four days in a row? Did I remember to change for sleeping? (no)
2. Bed is made
See below, “creative procrastination.”
3. Nose prints on back window
When was the last time I went outside?
4. Creative procrastination
Made a cake in the middle of a Wednesday? Check. Swept kitchen floor? Check. Extended phone call with daughter? Check.
5. Oh, you get to “leave” work at 5 p.m.?
6. What’s a “business line?”
Is there anyone who doesn’t have my phone number?
7. Don’t open the heating bill without a strong drink in your hand
No such thing as setting the thermostat for when people are in the house. People are always in the house.
8. Starbucks is my conference room
At least they clean their toilets regularly.
9. We call it a “perk.”
Remember that drink in your hand? Yeah, I have a drink in my hand.
10. You never shop on the weekends or after 5 p.m.
That’s when all the cube farmers are there.