Originally published by emphelan
My life, my house, my children are in various states of chaos. These days when I am suppose to write about parenting or household subjects, I find myself lacking in items to share. My husband and I, our parenting skills are what some people call organic. We had children young, we weren’t prepared, my husband comes from a severely abusive household, and I have always lacked the correct maturity. We probably allow our children to get away with more than we should, 
but no one is hurt, they are all rather sharp, and happy most of the time. They are polite, say ma’am and sir, hold doors open, allow the girls to board the bus first. . . they are old school gentlemen. But they do fight, and rough house, and behave like the typical boy. I so need a mud room.
My house is always in a constant state of a tornado victim. Either we are gutting a room, rearranging a room, or my boys have overran a room. Currently we are dealing with all the above and my going through things. My organization skills are lacking.
Right now our chaos is encircled with the fact that we are down grading homes. As my regular readers know, my family of 5 is moving from a 3 bedroom, 2 bath mobile home on 5 acres, into a single room ( not bedroom, read ROOM) camper on 120 acres. Eventually we will move into a 2 bedroom house, with a total of 7 people. And some day a new house of our own on the land. We have to condense 12 years of togetherness to fit our new accomodations. The stress that this is creating is close to engulfing our lives. But in the chaos we find moment of clarity, like my middle son’s enthusiasm to hunt bobcat with his long bow once we move.
I am probably the last person that should ever give advice to others on parenting and household skills. But I do know when I see the chaos get out of control in other peoples parenting. We have some how found a way to be in the midst of chaos yet have the structure we need to fill our boys lives with the important lessons 
and the love they need. I do not allow the chaos to cause me to neglect my boys, nor my husband.
If you find yourself in the middle of chaos, don’t forget that things are not as important as you family. And if those things seem to be pushing your family out of the picture, becoming too important, get rid of them. Things are not worth loosing your closeness with your family over.
In any chaos is a glimmer of structure, no matter how small it might be, grasp it and hold on tight. The insanity might swirl in madness around you, but your children and love ones will be an anchor if you so allow.
OH I love the pictures! I grew up swimming in our stock tank. I actually grew up like everyone wants to live now. My Dad has every copy of Mother Earth News from the beginning and he just built a strawbale solar home… (gotta love that)
PLEASE keep up on your new digs and how you are doing, I would love to hear about it!
You know I agree. Sometimes when my house gets a little chaotic I think, I’ll be ok with a messy kitchen so I can spend time with Mr Chiots. It’s always a give & take.
I love that you let your children be children, too many kids lives are too filled with all these activities that they end up loosing the best years of their lives to clubs/sports/activities.
Good luck on the move!
My daughter is oldest and while not exactly calm she is an angel compared with my 2 boys. But boys will be boys and I let them run when they can. My youngest came home last night and we had to dump the water from his boots and wring out his waterproof gloves before we could put them on the drying rack. But I’m not complaining. I’d rather have him outside racing boats in the snowmelt streams than parked on a couch playing video games.
Chaos happens. I really feel sorry for those kids who’s parents don’t let them just be kids.
nice to know my house is not the only one “in a constant state of a tornado victim”
Having met your boys I’d say you’re doing just fine. Good luck down sizing, if you guys decide to build we’d love to lend a hand.
http://blessednationranch.blogspot.com
It’s so nice to hear about kids being kids. I have a really hard time with parents who won’t let their kids get dirty. I say “well then, don’t send them to play at my house. I’m not going to keep an eye on their clothes while they play.” I wish there were more parents like us… Good post. Thanks!
I had a horror of my children growing up in a “normal” home. I wanted to be exciting and adventurous and if normal rules went out the door now and again, who cares. Our children’s memories of their childhood will be just that, memories, and that is what you are giving yours. Have fun, Margaret.
Great post! I think we all feel inadequate at times, especially when it comes to parenting. Those little buggers don’t come with instruction manuals.
But it is those times when they do the “little gentlemen” things, that we are reminded that we are doing just fine, and they will turn out alright.
I am trying to figure out that second picture. What did he do? It doesn’t look like the ground is disturbed around him, so he didn’t dig a hole and back fill over his lower body, and he obviously isn’t on his knees. What did he do?
Segwyne, we dug a hole to drop the telephone pole, that is also in the picture, in. We were using it as a gate post. He discovered that he fit into it perfectly. We used a hand auger, and pulled the dirt straight up, that is way there isn’t a pile of dirt in the photo.
I’ve been married for 28 years. My house has always been in a state of chaos, either through constant, never-ending home renovation projects, a house fire, my husband’s home-based general contracting business and raising very active 3 sons and a daughter in the midst of it, along with any number of assorted relatives (parents, cousins, nieces, nephews) living with us at any given time, meaning that rooms and bedroom assignments are always being rearranged and no one ever knows where anything is. My house was(is) always chaotic, but whenever it gets to me, I always say that this house is probably going to be here a hundred years after I’m gone but my kid’s childhood will only last a short time, so I’m going to enjoy my time with them because believe me, it’s too short. Let the house wait. Believe me, the mess will still be there when the kids aren’t, so go out and have fun with them!
Emphelan,
Last year my family of five moved from a 3BR house into a 30ft yurt. Not only did we get rid of a lot of stuff, but we have all learned how to keep moving forward despite the now-constant clamor and togetherness.
Housekeeping sure is easier, though!
-robin
Margaret,
I SO agree with you about aiming to avoid a hum-drum childhood.
Totally agree. Many times the more things are planned or tried to be made “just so” they just bring on more separation. Of course, some is a good thing, but being together and really listening to each others needs seems like a key. Your boys seem to have struck a great balance – or rather, you have struck a great balance with them. Being left to just *be* is valuable!
I am always thankful that my parents let my brothers and I be kids. I grew up in the country running around with a hatchet, a swiss army knife, bb gun and an imagination. Something I can’t really see in a lot of the kids I see around me, who are always supervised, sanitized and have their nose in a portable video game. Of course, living where I do, just North of Boston, everyone is afraid of letting their kids be outside un-supervized. Not that I blame them there is a weirdo around every corner
Anyway, it brings a smile to my face to see kids being kids.
Oh, it is so nice to know we are all normal! The whole modern thing about living in a large, orderly house only works for families that don’t actually LIVE in their houses! Most visitors (even though they don’t say it) think we never clean! And the kids are always barefoot. Ah, such a wonderful life for children though!!
Chaos happens…
Have you thought about building a yurt on the property where you’ll have the single room camper? I used to do that and live in it all summer, but easily could have made do all year with a simple wood stove.
They are easy to build and offer you a lot more room for storage and other activities. Give it a look and see if that won’t help.
Either way, just think how big your new home will feel to you after this. That is something to look very forward to, yes?
Christy
Oh sweetie, I can agree and relate with you on so many levels. Chaos is only what you make of it, when they get loud and rambunctious, just join in
Life is short and they are kids once, dirty dishes will always be there but our kids grow so fast.
I love this post!!! This is how we raised my daughter, and of all the mistakes I may have made, I am SO glad I let her have a childhood!! Museums are a place to visit, but home is where you grow your wings and practice them…and where creativity and imagination should be celebrated and fiercely protected
The problem with a yurt is money. I am doing all this with very little of it. Maybe further down the road I can afford one, but right now I have a camper sitting on my property, already paid for years ago.
Phelan as long as your boys are polite and kind hearted….what else matters? I have trouble with adults –not just teenagers which I could more fully understand— that push by me (and others) without even saying “pardon me”. Or men that barge in front of me to get their wood when I was obviously standing there getting mine (I said something to him about that). Good luck on that condensing and just know that you are not the only one that has “lived small” at times –you will find ways to make it work for you and yours. We too have done it in the past and our son and daughter shared a “room” until she was 11 because we only had 1real bedroom (ours) and a loft.
I know it sucks now…but years from now you may have a completely different perspective on it. Always thinking of you and hoping good things for you.
Monica
When I was 12, my parents lost the tiny house they had built and my family of five had to move into a 24′ camper. We lived in it for two years, moving from campground to friend’s yard, to another friend’s yard while my dad was unemployed in the late 80′s. It was hard, but it can be done. I am thinking of you, and I hope your transition goes as smoothly as possibly.